


Twisted

by EleanorKing



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Boy-Who-Lived Harry Potter, Crack, Dark Harry, Evil Harry Potter, Harry Potter is a Horcrux, Humor, Insane Harry Potter, Original Character(s), Other, Psychopath Harry Potter, Slytherin Harry Potter
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-27
Updated: 2020-03-21
Packaged: 2021-02-22 11:54:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,109
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22915786
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EleanorKing/pseuds/EleanorKing
Summary: Harry Potter is the Boy-Who-Lived, but he doesn’t care. He is a bored psychopath, that’s all that matters. Follow Harry as he annoys everyone around him just because he’s bored( though he’ll probably become a serial killer soon). Plus I’m neither a psychopath, nor a psychiatrist, so I’m not an expert in psychopathy, it’s just eh... my version of it. Don't be too critical, pls.
Comments: 15
Kudos: 187





	1. Chapter 1

Harry Potter, the infamous Boy-Who-Lived was standing in front of the large mirror and practicing his facial expressions. He still couldn't understand how people could notice the difference between the expression of fear and sadness. Like, come on, they are so fricking similar! And plus he was having trouble with happiness. Wtf was this emotion?! It's like you smile but not in a cold and unemotional way like he always did. He had to make it sincere.

' What is sincere anyways? I've never experienced any kind of emotion, so how am I supposed to do this?' he thought relentlessly.

"Harry, Dumbledore is here! He is going to teach you some new spells today!" his mother shouted happily from the other room.

The boy sighed heavily and came to the living room, where the great Dumboldwhore was waiting for him. He didn't care about those stupid spells the old man was teaching him. He didn't care about the war or Voldemort or anything for that matter. He didn't care If he was going to die tomorrow. Everything always was meaningless for him. As Dumbles started explaining some shit to him, Harry silently wondered what would the git do, If he threw a Killing curse at him right now. He was just about to do so when-

" Mummy, can I go to the Diagon Alley with Sirius?" asked a young plump boy, with reddish hair and brown eyes, his brother, Daniel Potter.

" Of course, dear," his mummy answered immediately.

Then Daniel started annoying him, for some reason his brother always wanted to know where he was going, what he was doing and etc. And he always asked whether he could go with him. The answer always was the same: no.

If Harry wasn't a psychopath, then maybe Daniel would have had a different childhood without any trips to Diagon Alley with Sirius. But even though Harry tried to hide his problems, his parents noticed, they noticed it from the very beginning. He never cried as a child, never smiled either, he always looked and behaved differently and his first words were: "Avada Kedavra".

Since the day Harry has got his letter from Hogwarts, he had to train every day, because for some reason the Headmaster believed that Voldemort would try to kill him the moment he was going to set his foot in Hogwarts.

Just as he sent the third feather flying, Albus-Dumbles suddenly ordered him to stop.

" Harry, I have to talk to you about something important. Listen to me, please. It's very serious," he said, staring right into the boy's intoxicatingly green eyes.

" Okaaay," Harry agreed hesitantly.

" I've known for a while now," the old coot stated, his voice was calm and relaxed, yet his eyes betrayed him, of course, not that Harry noticed.

"I'm sorry, Headmaster, I don't know what you are talking about."

" You have no emotions or feelings, literally none. I thought Voldemort did something to you but I was wrong. You were born a psychopath. A person incapable of feeling anything, including love and any kind of empathy. Oh, I feel truly sorry for you, my boy."

" Don't...Ahhh," the boy yawned. " This conversation bores me."

" But you are still the Boy-Who-Lived, you are the child of the prophecy, you have a part of Voldemort's soul inside you...You have to defeat him..., please, I-I promise, it won't be boring."

" I have a part of Voldemort's soul inside me? That sounds like a loooooot of fun. I wonder... If the scar connects us, then I must be able to do anything to this piece of his soul inside me... Oh yeahhh...", Harry has already started imagining wonderful things he could do to Voldie's soul when Dumby interrupted his train of thought.

" You need to defeat him, Harry! You ca-"

" The only thing I need right now is to fuck a certain Dark Lord inside my head. So, please be so kind to fuck off," he said emotionlessly and went to his room.

After 50 minutes of trying to talk to Voldie-Boldie someone knocked on his door. " Come iiiinn," he called lazily. His mother started shouting at him as soon as he opened the door:

" Harry, how could you?! And I thought I raised you well! Why did you insult Albus?! He was telling the truth after all and-"

" And I don't care. Goodbye, you can kill yourself, If this saddened you so much. I wanna sleep. Hm... And some coffee would be nice too."


	2. Chapter 2

And finally, it was the 1st of September. Harry had a couple of fights with his parents and Dumby, in general, nothing out of ordinary. When James Potter found out about what his precious son told the greaaat Headmaster he was furious. But when he started threatening Harry, the Boy-Who-Lived simply shrugged and said: " okay, why not." 

After that James gave up on him. He decided to spend most of his time at work. And it seemed like it concerned only Daniel Potter, who was just 7 years old.

Lily was too busy trying to turn her emotionless son into a happy innocent child. But it was worthless, because one day she started scolding him for something, and he thought she was crying for help.

" Well, how was I supposed to know? Your facial expression looked similar to the one of fear! I mean it's not my fault," he told her that day.

Daniel never noticed anything. He always thought that his brother's behavior was completely normal.

Harry had another problem: he still couldn't communicate with Voldie. Plus he had to go to this stupid school. Ahh... More boredom. He needed to find a hobby for himself...Something fun...

It has to be something that everyone would forbid him to do. Hm... Maybe killing someone? Why not?

He was roaming around the train, trying to find a potential victim. Then someone pushed him to the floor. This was very annoying. He looked around to see a girl with brown bushy hair staring at him in wonder.

" You are Harry Potter, aren't you?" she asked him impolitely.

" Yes, I am. And what about you? I'm sure I haven't seen you anywhere before..."

" Oh, I'm Hermione Granger! I'm a muggle-born witch, so that's probably the reason why you haven't seen me before," the girl explained with a pleasant smile, but it was noticeable that she didn't like the topic.

' Perfect! No one would suspect me! How can the savior of the Wizarding World kill a muggle-born witch?' Harry thought viciously.

" Anyways, what were you doing out of the compartment?"

" Oh, it's just... You see, Neville lost his toad somewhere and I wanted to help him find it," the witch answered shyly.

" A toad? Oh, that's very fortunate, because I've just seen a toad!"

" Really?? That's great! I'll call Neville and-"

" No, don't. I mean it can get scared and run away If we bring to many people there. And plus I'm not sure whether it's still there."

" Oh...okay...," she sighed confused as to why she shouldn't bring Neville there but agreed anyways.

" Let's go!"

Then Harry proceeded to lead her to the empty compartment in the very back of the train.

" I lied, bitch!" he yelled happily and took out the knife he stole from the kitchen that morning. After that, he callously slit her throat.

" Oh, my gosh! That's wonderful! I feel something! And it's even better than pain! HAHAHA! I knew it was going to be great, but I could never imagine THIS!" he screamed like an insane person he was.

Then he noticed that the bleeding girl tried to scream too.

" Crucio," he whispered. And Hermione cried even more. After 3-5 minutes she finally died. Then Harry made her smaller, removed her clothes and ate the dead body. She was pretty tasty, though her bones weren't, it's not like Harry cared. After casting a cleaning charm he left the compartment.

" Harry, where have you been?" Remus asked him as soon as he saw his figure in the dark. Harry shrugged, pretending to be mute. Then Remus frowned as he understood that his pup smelled of sb else's blood.

"Harry, pup, what have you done?!"

" I dunno what you're talking abouut,~" and with this words the cold-blooded murderer went away, leaving Remus alone to his thoughts.

Then the train stopped. "Firs'-years! Firs'-years over here!" Hagrid yelled loudly, attracting everyone's attention. Harry has heard of him from his parents, though he was a lot more annoying in real life.

"C'mon, follow me – any more firs'-years? Mind yer step, now! Firs'-years follow me!"

Slipping and stumbling, they followed Hagrid down what seemed to be a steep, narrow path. It was so dark either side of them that Harry thought there must be thick trees there. Nobody spoke much.

"Yeh'll get yer firs' sight o' Hogwarts in a sec,' Hagrid called over his shoulder, 'jus' round this bend here."

There was a loud 'Oooooh!'.

The narrow path had opened suddenly on to the edge of a great black lake. Perched atop a high mountain on the other side, its windows sparkling in the starry sky, was a vast castle with many turrets and towers.

'No more'n four to a boat!' Hagrid called, pointing to a fleet of little boats sitting in the water by the shore. Harry didn't want to share his boat with anyone but fate was cruel to him. Ron immediately caught the sight of him, sitting all by himself in a small boat and shouted: " Harry, mate, where have you been?! I've been looking for you everywhere!"

Ron Weasley, his supposed best friend. They've known each other since they were about 2 or 3 years old. And for some reason, he never shut up. Ron could be as successful at being best friends with Harry as being best friends with a rock.

"Everyone in?" shouted Hagrid, who had a boat to himself, "Right then – FORWARD!"

"Heads down!" yelled Hagrid as the first boats reached the cliff; they all bent their heads and the little boats carried them through a curtain of ivy that hid a wide opening in the cliff face. They were carried along a dark tunnel, which seemed to be taking them right underneath the castle, until they reached a kind of underground harbor, where they clambered out onto rocks and pebbles.

Then they clambered up a passageway in the rock after Hagrid's lamp, coming out at last onto smooth, damp grass right in the shadow of the castle. They walked up a flight of stone steps and crowded around the huge, oak front door.

"Everyone here?" Hagrid raised a gigantic fist and knocked three times on the castle door.

The door swung open at once. A tall, black-haired witch in emerald-green robes stood there. Harry immediately recognized Minerva McGonagall, once again his parents told him about her, plus he met her a couple of times and for some reason, she always acted cold around him.

"The firs' years, Professor McGonagall," said Hagrid.

"Thank you, Hagrid. I will take them from here. "

'Yoo-hoo! They still haven't noticed Granger's disappearance! Ha! And people said that I would surely get caught for my crimes. Pathetic! So pathetic! I'm still feeling something right now! That's awesome,' Harry thought. He felt like he was on some drugs, because he couldn't get enough of it, and now he knew he was going to want more...

A dark smirk graced his features as he followed Professor McGonagall into the entrance hall.


	3. Chapter 3

"Welcome to Hogwarts," said Professor McGonagall. "The start-of-term banquet will begin shortly, but before you take your seats in the Great Hall, you will be sorted into your houses. The Sorting is a very important ceremony because, while you are here, your house will be something like your family within Hogwarts. You will have classes with the rest of your house, sleep in your house dormitory, and spend free time in your house common room.

"The four houses are called Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, and Slytherin. Each house has its own noble history and each has produced outstanding witches and wizards. While you are at Hogwarts, your triumphs will earn your house points, while any rulebreaking will lose house points. At the end of the year, the house with the most points is awarded the house cup, a great honor. I hope each of you will be a credit to whichever house becomes yours.

"The Sorting Ceremony will take place in a few minutes in front of the rest of the school. I suggest you all smarten yourselves up as much as you can while you are waiting. "

"I shall return when we are ready for you," said Professor McGonagall. "Please wait quietly. "

She left the chamber. Harry looked around, trying to find Neville. Of course, he knew him, all light families need, no, must be friends with each other. What If he tried to look for the girl? What If he told the teachers that she went missing? Oh, no, no, no, no. But Neville was standing right there, in front of him, with a confused look on his unattractive face.

"How exactly do they sort us into houses?" Neville asked him and Ron. Before Harry could speak Ron answered the question.

"Some sort of test, I think. Fred said it hurts a lot, but I think he was joking. "

Harry was laughing inside his head but made no sounds whatsoever.

Professor McGonagall had returned.

"Now, form a line," she told the first years, "and follow me. "

Harry got into line behind a boy with sandy hair, with Ron behind him, and they walked out of the chamber, back across the hall, and through a pair of double doors into the Great Hall.

Harry quickly looked down again as Professor McGonagall silently placed a four-legged stool in front of the first years. On top of the stool she put a pointed wizard's hat. This hat was patched and frayed and extremely dirty.

For a few seconds, there was complete silence. Then the hat twitched. A rip near the brim opened wide like a mouth -- and the hat began to sing:

"Oh, you may not think I'm pretty,

But don't judge on what you see,

I'll eat myself if you can find

A smarter hat than me.

You can keep your bowlers black,

Your top hats sleek and tall,

For I'm the Hogwarts Sorting Hat

And I can cap them all.

There's nothing hidden in your head

The Sorting Hat can't see,

So try me on and I will tell you

Where you ought to be.

You might belong in Gryffindor,

Where dwell the brave at heart,

Their daring, nerve, and chivalry

Set Gryffindors apart;

You might belong in Hufflepuff,

Where they are just and loyal,

Those patient Hufflepuffs are true

And unafraid of toil;

Or yet in wise old Ravenclaw, if you've a ready mind,

Where those of wit and learning,

Will always find their kind;

Or perhaps in Slytherin

You'll make your real friends,

Those cunning folk use any means

To achieve their ends.

So put me on! Don't be afraid!

And don't get in a flap!

You're in safe hands (though I have none)

For I'm a Thinking Cap!"

The whole hall burst into applause as the hat finished its song. It bowed to each of the four tables and then became quite still again.

"So we've just got to try on the hat!" Ron whispered to Harry. "I'll kill Fred, he was going on about wrestling a troll. "

Harry rolled his eyes as he listened to Professor McGonagall.

"When I call your name, you will put on the hat and sit on the stool to be sorted," she said. "Abbott, Hannah!"

A pink-faced girl with blonde pigtails stumbled out of line, put on the hat, which fell right down over her eyes, and sat down. A moments pause --

"HUFFLEPUFF!" shouted the hat.

After that students normally got sorted. And everything was alright until...

"Granger, Hermione!"

' Shit. Shit. Shit. I'm doomed. Well, at least I had some fun before my death,' thought Harry, trying to look completely unbothered. Then he remembered that actually he was supposed to look concerned and confused instead of uncaring.

Minerva went up to Dumboldwhore and they talked for about 2 minutes before he started scanning the room, obviously trying to find either Hermione herself or somebody, who knew where she was. When his twinkling eyes landed on Harry, the boy looked back at him and then after putting on the most innocent looking smile, the Boy-Who-Lived smirked evilly and then burst into laughter. A villain like laughter, If you ask me. This attracted a lot of attention to him and some children actually looked extremely scared.

Albus Dumbledore knew that this was going to be a difficult day because Harry Potter was going to attend the school... A psychopath was going to attend HIS school...But he didn't expect this...When the savior of the Wizarding World laughed, Albus finally lost his shit.

" Harry Potter, my office...immediately!" barked the Headmaster, anger and exhaustion clear in his voice. Everyone, except for Harry flinched. The teachers were shocked too, as they've never seen Albus in such a state. He always was so calm and forgiving.

Then Dumbles went upstairs to wait for his savior. Harry followed him obediently. 

" What was THAT..., my boy?"

" What are you talking about??? Did you see something? Oh, no, grandpa, your schizophrenia again?"

The look on the old goat's face was priceless.

" What are YOU talking about, Harry?"

" Grandpa, I'm Jacob, not your son Harry. Please listen to me. Did you forget to take your medicine again?" Harry asked in the most anxious tone he could master.

Then the great Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore seriously started wondering whether he really was a sick old man with schizophrenia or Harry was joking, when the boy in question started hitting the table with his head.

" I AM SERIOUSLY GONNA LAUGH RIGHT NOW! AHAHA! THAT WAS HILARIOUS! YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN THE LOOK ON YOUR FACE RIGHT NOW!" Harry shouted and then laughed, he sounded like a demon again.

" Harry, my boy it's serious..."

" I know, dad. PFFT...AHAHAHA"

Then Minerva came in to find a laughing Boy-Who-Lived hitting his head against the desk and a defeated looking Dumbledore.

" Minerva, continue the sorting..," he said with a heavy sigh.

" But-"

" I'll be okay."


	4. Chapter 4

The rest of the sorting was a mess. Everyone was still thinking about a boy, who laughed like a maniac. And when it was revealed that he was the infamous Boy-Who-Lived, they were even more shocked.

Meanwhile, Dumbledore made Harry drink some 'calming' tea. Of course, actually, it was Veritaserum.

" Harry, my boy, did you kill Hermione Granger?"

" Maybe," was Harry's smooth answer.

" It's a yes or no type of question," insisted the Headmaster.

" Dang, old man, you put some Veritaserum into my tea or what? Oh, yeah, it looks like you did. Then I'm very offended! How could you possibly think that I am capable of something as horrible as murder?!"

" You are."

" How could you?! Hm...It's becoming boring... And I hate boredom! Plus, I wanna get sorted. I wanna go to Hufflepuff! I think I have all the qualities!"

There was a knock on the door leading to Headmaster's office.

" Come in."

" All the students except for Harry Potter got sorted. I brought the Sorting hat with me. Shall we do it now?" it was Minerva, she looked flustered.

Albus nodded in agreement, took the hat and gave it to Harry. He put it on without any hesitation.

' 𝘍𝘶𝘤𝘬, 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘦𝘦 𝘢 𝘱𝘴𝘺𝘤𝘩𝘪𝘢𝘵𝘳𝘪𝘴𝘵, 𝘣𝘰𝘺. 𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘯𝘦𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘭𝘰𝘺𝘢𝘭𝘵𝘺 𝘯𝘰𝘳 𝘣𝘳𝘢𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺. 𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘯'𝘵 𝘢 𝘯𝘦𝘳𝘥 𝘦𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳. 𝘏𝘮𝘮... '

' 𝘏𝘢𝘵, 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘧𝘪𝘵 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘮𝘦.'

' 𝘠𝘦𝘴, 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘪𝘮𝘱𝘶𝘭𝘴𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘯 𝘢𝘯𝘺 𝘎𝘳𝘺𝘧𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘥𝘰𝘳 𝘐'𝘷𝘦 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘮𝘦𝘵, 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘢𝘮𝘣𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘶𝘴. 𝘞𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘬𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘤𝘩𝘰𝘰𝘭 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘲𝘶𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘰𝘭𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘭𝘥? 𝘎𝘰 𝘢𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘥. 𝘕𝘰 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘨𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘱 𝘺𝘰𝘶, 𝘦𝘴𝘱𝘪𝘤𝘪𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘐𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝐒𝐋𝐘𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐈𝐍!'

Professor McGonagall looked like she was about to faint. Dumbledore facepalmed and then stared at the ceiling for about 5-10 minutes, before stating that he's tired and that he needs some rest. McGonagall looked at him with concern but then left the office. After that, Harry stood up, shouted: "Goodbye!" and left too, because he was bored af.

When he left the Headmaster's office he stumbled into someone, so he looked up just to find an angry and irritated Severus Snape glaring at him. It was amusing to Harry. This man hated him for something his father did a long time ago. For that, he decided to annoy the poor Professor even more.

" You know, Dumboldwhore told me that I have a piece of Voldemort’s soul inside me. And I was wondering how that can be possible?" he asked with an innocent smile on his cute childish face.

Snape blinked a couple of times, then stared at Harry with shock and only after that he finally answered that question:

" Well, it's very dark magic. I think it's called a Horcrux. Anyways, this isn't important and you shouldn't be asking anyone about this!"

" Well, I'm supposed to defeat this eh...Voldemort, so perhaps I should know something about my enemy," he said calmly.

Snape looked at him suspiciously before walking away.

' Let's see how to make this Horcrux, AHAHA!' Harry Potter grinned with triumph and hurried to the Great hall.

There he met Snape again.

" What are you doing here?"

" Has everyone eaten already?"

" Yes, and you'll have to wait for breakfast tomorrow because I'm not going to make any exceptions for you, you arrogant boy. Besides, you should be in your common room, not roaming around distracting teachers from their work!"

" Yes? And what was that work that you were doing here? Hm? And I tried to find my common room but the Head of my House was too busy," and with that Harry smirked maliciously.

" What do you- Wait...was too busy... You were sorted into Slytherin?!" Severus shouted incredulously.

" Yes, the great Professor Snape, so where is the common room?"

They walked in silence.

" Parseltongue. That's the password, Potter, try to remember it."

"Parseltongue? The language of snakes? Veeery original..," snorted Harry.

Snape muttered something suspiciously close to "this arrogant brat" under his breath and went somewhere.

The Boy-Who-Lived soon found his room, he had to share it with Draco Malfoy, Theodore Nott and Blaise Zabini.

"Potter, what are you doing here?" asked Draco with annoyance.

" Well, guys, It turns out that it's my room too! So, I hope you would kindly stop complaining because it's getting on my nerves."

" Harry Potter in Slytherin? Well, that's certainly going to be interesting," said Blaise in amusement.

After that, there was a long silence until Harry started to unpack his bags loudly. And then he found something and tried to run out of the room but Theo stopped him.

" Where do you think you're going? We don't want our house to lose points, just because you decided to explore Hogwarts."

" Do you really think I'll let it happen?" asked Harry mockingly and then confidently unwrapped the strange cloak he was holding. In a second he became invisible.

" Wow! Guys, Harry has an invisibility cloak!" shouted Theo in surprise.

When everyone turned their heads in his direction they found neither the Invisibility cloak nor Harry Potter.

Harry was in the restricted section of the library. " Lumos," he cast silently. The only thoughts in his head were connected to one word - 'Horcrux'. 'Here it is!' he thought victoriously.

"ℌ𝔬𝔯𝔠𝔯𝔲𝔵𝔢𝔰.

𝘛𝘰 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘢 𝘩𝘰𝘳𝘤𝘳𝘶𝘹 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘬𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘢 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘰𝘯 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝔄𝔳𝔞𝔡𝔞 𝔎𝔢𝔡𝔞𝔳𝔯𝔞 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘢𝘧𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘷𝘦 “ℑ𝔩𝔩𝔲𝔡 𝔱𝔞𝔩𝔢 𝔫𝔬𝔫 𝔢𝔰𝔱 𝔲𝔱 𝔪𝔬𝔯𝔰.𝔈𝔤𝔬 𝔦𝔞𝔪 𝔦𝔪𝔪𝔬𝔯𝔱𝔞𝔨𝔢𝔪. 𝔈𝔱 𝔭𝔬𝔱𝔢𝔰𝔱𝔞𝔱𝔢𝔪 𝔥𝔞𝔟𝔢𝔬 𝔰𝔭𝔩𝔦𝔱 𝔢𝔰𝔱 𝔞𝔫𝔦𝔪𝔞 𝔪𝔢𝔞. ℑ𝔪𝔪𝔬𝔯𝔱𝔞𝔩𝔦𝔱𝔞𝔱𝔦𝔰 𝔰𝔦𝔳𝔫𝔦𝔣𝔦𝔠𝔞𝔱 𝔭𝔬𝔱𝔢𝔫𝔱𝔦𝔞𝔪” 𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘰 𝘢𝘯𝘺 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵(𝘴) 𝘰𝘧 𝘷𝘪𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘮'𝘴 𝘣𝘰𝘥𝘺 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘦𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘷𝘪𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘮'𝘴𝘧𝘭𝘦𝘴𝘩 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘥𝘴 𝘰𝘯 𝘪𝘵. 𝘉𝘦𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘧𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘯 𝘩𝘶𝘮𝘢𝘯 𝘧𝘭𝘦𝘴𝘩 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘲𝘶𝘪𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘺 𝘸𝘩𝘪𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘳 "𝔈𝔤𝔬 𝔦𝔞𝔪 𝔦𝔪𝔪𝔬𝔯𝔱𝔞𝔩𝔢𝔪" 𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘦 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦𝘴, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘶𝘢𝘭 𝘴𝘩𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘬. 𝘋𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘯 3 𝘩𝘰𝘳𝘤𝘳𝘶𝘹𝘦𝘴 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘮𝘢𝘺 𝘥𝘪𝘦 𝘥𝘶𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘶𝘢𝘭𝘴."

' Sounds like a lot of fun! Besides, I’ve always wondered how human flesh tastes like! Guess who’s going to make a Horcrux tomorrow!’ and with these thoughts, Harry stole the book and returned to his room.

“ Where did you go?” asked Blaise with interest, despite the fact that it was well past midnight and everyone should’ve been asleep.

“ It’s none of your business.”

“ Wait, what is that silly book you’re hiding? Is it written in Indian or are this just some stupid doodles?” asked Theo, obviously noticing the large book under Harry’s elbow.

“ Yeah, it must be something stupid. Why did you take it, Potter?” with that Draco took the book from the boy and started looking through it.

“ Ehm... I can’t understand anything! What is the meaning of this?!”

“ I’m quite certain that it’s in English... Wait... No, it couldn’t... Or it could..,” Harry finally understood that the book was written in Parseltongue. He took his book back and carefully reread the instructions with a huge grin on his pale face.

Everyone else just stared at him with disbelief, but then shrugged it off and went back to sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

Now Harry wanted to kill almost every single student in Hogwarts.

Whispers followed him from the moment he left his dormitory the next day. People lining up outside classrooms stood on tiptoe to get a look at him or doubled back to pass him in the corridors again, staring.

And you know, Harry never cared about it. He was used to people praising him for something he probably didn't even do when he was a baby. Now, though people were mostly... scared of him. And it was annoying.

There were so many conspiracies, like: " I think... that Vol... He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named possessed him!"; " Yes, that's not Harry Potter... It's some slimy snake, who's using Polyjuice potion!"; " No, I think that's Harry Potter but he... is the heir of Slytherin!!!"

The last one was probably the funniest. Though maybe in some way he could be considered the heir of Slytherin with Parseltongue. Yeah, he'll certainly need to get a snake. Hehehe.

The classes were pretty boring for him. Harry just wanted to practice unforgivables 24/7.

They had to study the night skies through their telescopes every Wednesday at midnight and learn the names of different stars and the movements of the planets. Three times a week they went out to the greenhouses behind the castle to study Herbology, with a dumpy little witch called Professor Sprout, where they learned how to take care of all the strange plants and fungi, and found out what they were used for. Harry still couldn't understand why this class existed.

But the most boring class was History of Magic, which was the only one taught by a ghost. Professor Binns had been very old indeed when he had fallen asleep in front of the staff room fire and got up next morning to teach, leaving his body behind him. Binns droned on and on while they scribbled down names and dates and got Emetic the Evil and Uric the Oddball mixed up. Harry had enough boring people around him and now he had to deal with this pathetic excuse for a human being, wait, no, a ghost. So, he stood up and said calmly:" Well, dear Professor Binns, I have no doubt that this war and stuff you're telling us is very important but I, too, have something to say, - he cleared his throat dramatically,- you are dead."

Binns blinked several times and then simply stared at him with disbelief. It seemed almost like he didn't know... wait... he didn't, did he? That was hilarious.

" Me?! Dead?! Are you out of your mind?! I may be pretty old but... wait... no... no..."

Binns looked over his 'body' in shock. The Boy-Who-Lived smirked maliciously. Then the ghost... disappeared. After that everyone in the class decided that they could leave.

" Wow, Potter, that was certainly something," muttered Malfoy in amazement.

Harry just grinned smugly in return.

The next lesson was Charms. Professor Flitwick, the Charms teacher, was a tiny little wizard who had to stand on a pile of books to see over his desk. At the start of their first class, he took the roll call, and when he reached Harry's name he gave an excited squeak and toppled out of sight. The Boy-Who-Lived groaned in frustration.

Even Professor McGonagall wasn't that boring.

"Transfiguration is some of the most complex and dangerous magic you will learn at Hogwarts," she said. "Anyone messing around in my class will leave and not come back. You have been warned."

So, naturally, Harry had to say “ fuck you” right after her speech. He got detention for this, though it was worth it, despite anything that Draco told him afterwards.

The class everyone had really been looking forward to was Defense Against the Dark Arts, but Quirrell's lessons turned out to be a bit of a joke. His classroom smelled strongly of garlic, which everyone said was to ward off a vampire he'd met in Romania and was afraid would be coming back to get him one of these days. His turban, he told them, had been given to him by an African prince as a thank-you for getting rid of a troublesome zombie, but they weren't sure they believed this story. He stuttered all the time and for some reason behaved like an angsty teenage girl. For example, when Blaise Zabini politely asked how Quirrell had fought off the zombie, Quirrell went pink and started talking about the weather. It was extremely weird, even for Harry. Plus his scar always hurt whenever he was around this... eh...Professor, not to mention how Quirrell’s behavior changed whenever that happened but there were other things to worry about.

After Professor Binns suddenly ‘died’ and then it was revealed to be Harry’s doing, almost everyone was convinced that Harry is... the new Dark Lord. It was so ridiculous, though, despite the absurdity of it, Harry found himself enjoying the title.

Overall, his first week at Hogwarts wasn’t as bad as he thought it would be. The only problem was in letters that his parents sent him every fricking day. They were extremely worried and honestly Boy-Who-Lived couldn’t care less. During this week he even received several Howlers from them, luckily he knew how to cast 𝘐𝘯𝘤𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘪𝘰. Now Harry knew enough about his surroundings to be able to make a Horcrux next week.


End file.
